Agrabah
by NimueTheSorceress
Summary: Hello and welcome to tonight's production of the world famous 'Aladdin' featuring our favourite Harry Potter characters, with guest appearances from other well-known characters. Now someone thought it would be a good idea to let the actors be each character as themselves, so this may be a little different to the version you know. Please turn your phones off and enjoy the show!
1. Programme

**A/N- This story would have been impossible without the help of my favourite Squirrel and Voldy, otherwise known as KK94 and Little Miss Thalia Grace. No, really. This story is the result of a very long roleplay in Chatzy, and I got the honours of writing it up and publishing it. But I can't take all the credit for this, so thanks for all that you two! :)**

Hello and welcome to tonight's production of the world famous 'Aladdin' featuring our favourite Harry Potter characters, with guest appearances from other well-known characters. Now, the script may not seem quite like you remember it. This is because someone thought it would be a good idea to let the actors be each character as themselves. So, the cast for tonight's show is the following, in order of appearance.

Giana, the narrator- Ginny Weasley

Jafara- Dolores Umbridge

Spirit of the Cave of Wonders- Gandalf*

Diego- Draco Malfoy

Aladdin- Thomas Riddle Jr.

Head guard- Alastor 'Mad-eye' Moody

Abu- Severus Snape

Magic Carpet- Neville Longbottom

Genie/s- Fred and George Weasley

Please turn your phones off and enjoy the show!

* All the way from 'Lord of the Rings'

**A/N- This only features the major characters, so if you want to know any more members of the cast, please PM me.**


	2. Scenes 1 and 2

**_Curtain rise_**

You find yourself in a strange city. It seems somewhat familiar. Out of nowhere, a girl with bright, orange hair appears, smiling broadly.

"Why hello there!" she says to you, "I'm Giana, but I'm sure you already knew that!" You shake your head in confusion.

"Oh. You didn't?" The girl's face falls for a second, and then that dazzling smile returns, "It's that damn Potter, I suppose. Ah well… But what are you doing all the way over there? I'm not scary you know!" You smile tentatively and move closer.

"Well, this is Agrabah." The girl, Giana, begins, "It's…um…very nice here. It's got..um… well, lots of shops and stuff really. Merchandise. That kind of thing. Bit dull really…" You follow Giana over to a stall, where she gestures to a strange pot thing that's being demonstrated to another customer.

"I mean, I suppose that's kind of interesting… Oh. It broke." We move on somewhere else, where she points at a box.

"Oh! And what about that box thing! Oh, who am I kidding? It's just a box. Sorry, I'm not doing this very well, am I?" Her face falls again, and you hasten to reassure her. Whoever this girl is, you hate seeing her look upset. She gives you a little smile and sighs.

"Well, maybe I could tell you a story? It's a very interesting story. And completely true. I knew the people in it very well." She pulls a dusty bronze lamp out of her pocket. "Look at this. What do you think of it?" You tell her exactly what you think.

"'It's just a dull old lamp'? Well, that's what Aladdin thought when he first found it. But he found so much more in this 'dull old lamp'. Interested now? I thought so. Well, this is how it starts…."

_**Brief curtain fall and rise**_

A woman dressed entirely in pink stood alone in a desert, watching a huge man approach her. When he finally arrived in front of her, she struggled to contain her fury. She glared at him.

"You are late!"

The man sighed. "I WAS HELD UP." He roared, and then muttered to himself, "HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT COUNTERCURSE?"

The woman shook her head in frustration. "No matter, you imbecile. You have it then?"

The man looked offended. "OF COURSE I DO." He pulled a silver locket with an 'S' made of emeralds on it out of his pocket.

The woman yanked it from his hand. "Good. You may have your reward when I get mine." She gave a little giggle.

"THAT SOUNDS SINISTER, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO TRUST YOU BLINDLY ANYWAY."

"You do that," the woman nodded and completed the charm, sorry, adjustments she was making to the locket, "Now, follow that locket!"

The two of them chased it over the sand for many miles until they were stopped short by a massive tiger's head rising up from the sand

The woman gasped. "At long last!" she cried, "The Cave of Wonders! Years of eating nothing but protein shakes, rocks, and falcon eggs have finally been paid off!" she turned to the man, "Bring me that lamp. You can have anything else you want, but I want that lamp!"

The man frowned, "YOU WANT ME TO GO IN THERE?"

"Yes, you simpleton!" the woman shrieked, "Get! Me! My! LAMP!" she shoved the man towards the entrance.

The man sighed and stepped forward a few steps. "FINE! BUT IF I DIE OR SOMETHING… WELL… WELL… UM… YEAH!"

"Just GO!"

The man stomped towards the entrance and the mouth moved. Then it spoke.

"YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!"

The man laughed. "OUT OF THE WAY, NERD!" he roared.

The head sighed with an annoyed air. "Fly, you fool! Only one is the true Lord of the Lamp and none other!" The man turned back to face the woman and shrugged. She rolled her eyes.

"Just go in you baby-faced little fucker!"

The man went in and died a horrible and painful death. I'm sure you don't want to know all of the details. You do? Well, tough.

Just then something moved on the woman's shoulder. What had initially looked like a bit of fur or a white mink, turned out to be the woman's talking ferret. It rolled over and over in the sand, clutching at the locket.

"Well, I'm not surprised that idiot couldn't get pass that feeble attempt at a pussy cat." It rolled over onto its back and looked up at the woman, "But you do realise we're stuck now right?"

The woman scoffed. "Man up, Diego! You think I got to where I am by whining like a whimpy-ass fucker? NO! Obviously, he wasn't worthy enough."

The ferret rolled his eyes and turned so he was upright again. "Well, what are we going to do now? You heard what Mufasa there said. Only this 'Lord of the Lamp' may enter."

The woman smirked. "Clearly, we're going to have to find this One person, this 'diamond in the rough', so to speak. Ha ha ha ha! HA ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA!" she spluttered and began to choke.

_**Curtain fall**_


	3. Scene 3

_**Curtain rise**_

Aladdin was running across the rooftops of Agrabah with Abu, chased by three guards.

"Hey! Hey you!" shouted a dark-haired one.

"Oi! Bloody hell!" the ginger one added.

The bushy haired one shook her head and shouted, "Stop! You're breaking the law!"

Aladdin glanced behind him at the guards quickly, then back to the quickly approaching roof edge.

"All this for a stupid loaf of bread? Honestly?" he scoffed, glancing behind once more before jumping off the roof, "Whooooaaaah! Haha!"

The guards ran to the edge of the roof and peered over it.

"What's he-?" said the bushy haired one.

"Hey!" shouted the black haired guard.

The ginger one sighed, "Oh, leave him. He isn't worth it…"

Below them, Aladdin fell through layers of sheets and clothing, before landing safely on the ground, albeit completely tangled up in women's clothing.

"Oh, bloody hell…" He tore the clothing off and righted himself, looking around for Abu. Instead, however, he spotted a group of young ladies who were checking him out.

"Evening, ladies." He nodded at them.

"Morning, Aladdin," replied the one with messy, black hair, "See you've gotten yourself in some bother?"

"Oh no, it's only a bother if you get caught," he winked at her.

Distracted by the ladies' swooning, Aladdin didn't notice the head guard sneak up on him until he grabbed him and said, "Gotcha, sonny!"

"I'm in a bother!" Aladdin shouted, "Abu!"

Out of who-knows-where, Abu suddenly appeared on the guard's head, covering up his vision.

"Lovely timing, as usual, Abu. Come on! Let's scram!" Aladdin smirked before running off in the opposite direction to the guard.

The guard tried the shake the monkey off his head, not noticing the rest of the guards surrounding him, who were collapsed in fits of giggles. "What the- What is this?" he shouted, before Abu leapt off of his head, following Aladdin.

Aladdin's luck wasn't improving though. He ran around the corner straight into another guard, and found the ones behind him were catching up too.

"Oh, shit…" Aladdin jumped out of the way onto a barrel, sticking out his tongue at the guard with bright, bright pink hair.

"Hey!" she shouted, swinging her sword, but knocking over the barrel Aladdin had just jumped off of instead, "Aww…"

The other guards were in sword distance now, though, and Aladdin dodged swing after swing from them.

"Sorry! In my defense, I only steal what I can't afford. And that's everything!" he said as he dodged the swords. Suddenly, he spotted an opening and ran for it.

"Stop, mate!" another guard shouted, swinging his sword, but still missing.

Aladdin dodged behind a pole. "You guys just don't quit!" He ran for it, followed by the guards' shouts.

"Oi!"

"Idiot!"

"Dickhead!"

"Oh, Voldemort's Nipple!"

Aladdin paused and waved the bread in their faces. "Come on, guys! It's just a snack!"

"NO!" they shouted in response.

Aladdin mock-sighed. "Okay, jeez. I can take a hint!" he dodged into a nearby house, "Looks like you're my only friend, Abu…" he muttered. Abu didn't respond. The two of them paused to glance around the room, and noticed the three women who'd been checking Aladdin out earlier.

"Hello again…" Aladdin said, backing away, right into a fourth woman. Walburga.

"Watch where you're going, scoundrel. Orphaned kids like you have no manners today..." she said in her usual bitchy manner.

Aladdin only shrugged his shoulders and said "Look, I gotta eat to live and I have to steal to eat so... see ya!" before jumping out of the window with Abu. Immediately, he was spotted by the crowd of guards and had to start running again. Aladdin raced down the streets of Agrabah, pushing through crowds, jumping over a man walking over needles, and even jumping a herd of sheep. He glanced behind at them, muttering "I'm not even gonna ask why there are here…"

The guards followed swiftly behind, shoving the sheep out of the way and muttering "What the hell?" at random points to no one in particular. Soon, they had Aladdin trapped in front of a doorway. He backed into the corner. "Come on, let's not be so hasty…" Aladdin trailed off as the door opened behind him. A woman stepped out and leered at him.

"Don't hurt him! I think he's rather attractive!" She ran her finger down his cheek.

Aladdin shuddered and jumped away from her. "You're mad, woman!" he yelled, before running for a gap in the forces surrounding him. The chase continued. Aladdin ducked, dived, even jumped over a random guy sitting on coals. Seeing the soldiers catching up on him again, he grabbed some randomer's sword and swung round to face them.

"He's got a wand!" the red-headed man yelled.

"Oh my God, he's got a wand!" screamed the group of soldiers.

The bushy haired soldier hit the red-head on the arm. "That's a sword, Ron!"

"Oh my God, he's got a sword!" shrieked the group of soldiers.

The head guard leaned his head into his palm, sighing. "So have we, you idiots…"

The soldiers all beamed and drew their swords. "Oh yeah!"

Aladdin opened his mouth to comment, but changed his mind, and instead clambered up the extremely convenient rope that happened to be next to him. From there, he clambered up a tower, and used a rug to jump out of the window, crying "Suckers!" as he went.

"Damn that extremely convienient rope!" the head guard yelled, and the rest of the soldiers muttered among themselves for a moment before giving up and dispersing.

Aladdin landed safely in the alley, bread still safe in his pocket.

"Yeah! Street Rat: 234, Order: Nil!" he whooped, high fiving Abu. "Now, _we_ feast!" Aladdin broke the bread in half and started to eat, before he noticed two other street boys foraging for food.

"Now, Dennis," the slightly taller one said, "Don't eat that. It'll make you very sick. It's just a shame I had to sell my camera already…"

Aladdin looked down at the bread in his hand and muttered, "Why am I doing this?" before lobbing the chunk at the two boys' heads.

The elder brother caught it and beamed at Aladdin, "Why, thank you, sir! You're my hero!" he broke a large piece off and passed it to his brother, before breaking a smaller bit off for himself.

Aladdin turned to look at Abu, still munching away at his own bread. "Do it…" he growled.

Abu sighed. "Yes, okay…" he frowned and chucked his bit of bread at the kids too. The younger boy, Dennis, caught it and cried, "Look, Collin! Look!" Abu just rolled his eyes and muttered, "Happy now?"

"Yes, you bloody bat. Why do I keep you around, again?"

"Because otherwise you'd be immensely bored, Aladdin." He paused, "What's that noise?"

Aladdin smirked. "Does it sound deadpan, and incredibly annoying? Because I'm pretty sure that's your voice. Either that, or a giant freaking parade we somehow managed to avoid throughout that entire chase. Let's check it out." He pushed forward, towards the front of a crowd.

"Oh, what are the chances?" muttered Abu, before following.

A ponsy, ginger prince was prancing down the street on an incredibly pompous horse.

"I heard he's on his way to the palace!" commented one portly, rather tipsy man.

The short, plump woman beside him added, "Must be another suitor for the princess…"

Just then, the younger of the little boys Aladdin had seen earlier dashed out across the street, closely followed by his elder brother. The horse reared up, the rider struggling to remain seated.

"What do you think you're doing?" the man shouted, "Get out of here! Stupid kids! Didn't your parents teach you anything?" He pulled a heavy book from his saddle bag, and chucked it at the two boys.

"We… we don't have any parents, sir…" Collin, the elder boy, mumbled, his lower lip wobbling.

"No wonder, when you worthless brats have no sense at all!" the rider retorted, chucking another books down at their heads.

Aladdin had seen enough. He ran up in front of the kids, stopping the rider from chucking yet another book at them.

"You know, with dickheads like you ruling cities, it's no wonder the world has gone to hell!" he snarled.

The rider flushed bright red, "I'll show you who's a… a… one of those!" He knocked Aladdin over and rode off snobbily, laughing at Aladdin's face.

Aladdin glared at him. "Hey look, Abu. Isn't it a hippogriff that can't fit through the gates with his big head. He probably started off as a mudblood too!"

Abu laughed, mockingly.

The rider glared back for a moment, and then laughed again. "You're just a… streetrat! Nothing more! And you never will be!" He rode on through the gates of the palace, motioning to the guards to shut them as he went through.

Aladdin ran up behind him and slammed his fists on the closed gates. "I'll show you streetrat!" he yelled, "One day, you'll be bowing down to _me_!"

_**Curtain fall**_

**A/N- The full, updated cast list has now been uploaded if anyone's interested. Also, I'm not really sure where this one's going, since all three of us RP-ing it are getting sidetracked by other projects.**


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